I've been reading a lot the past several weeks
to assist me in
writing my next book. I've seen some good stuff, some bad stuff,
and some stuff that's too destructive to ignore. I thought I
would act like the four-year-old little boy that lurks inside me
and generate a list of 10 "pet peeves" from the fields of self-
help, psychology, business, and life.
I hope some of these resonate with you, and that you will be
encouraged to create your own list of pet peeves. I may do this
every few months; it's healthy when you can identify what annoys
you. Looking back at your list several months from now just
might
give you a new perspective of yourself.
TIM'S TERRIBLE TEN
1) I hate it when authors, shrinks, and talk
show hosts act like
there are simple solutions to really complex problems. They act
like you're just thinkin' too hard. When you're exhausted and
burned out, you want to believe there are simple answers, if
someone would just cough them up. On the other hand, if life
really were simple, you wouldn't be burned out in the first
place. How do you feel when you've been wrestling with a problem
for a couple hours or days and someone cavalierly tosses out a
solution you rejected in the first few minutes?
2) I hate it when people use politeness as a cover for ignorance
or incompetence. When you get to a four way stop while driving,
take your turn. Don't be rude and go before it's your turn.
Don't
be polite and wave me through. Just go when you are supposed to.
If I call your office multiple times over a period of months and
I keep getting the message "Due to heavy call volume, you may
have a longer than usual wait time", then you are understaffed,
the call volume isn't too heavy.
3) I hate it when people lie to my face and assume I will be too
gracious to confront them about it. Somebody is late for an
important meeting with me and says they were stuck in traffic.
As
Ellen Degeneres said, "How do you think I got here?;
helicoptered
in?" You left late. You planned poorly. You did something else
that was more important. At least we know where I stand.
4) I hate it when people act like passion and purpose are things
you can "find". As if they are just lying on the road waiting
for
you to pick them up. Or something you used to have but you just
lost. Now when was the last time you remember seeing it? (See
number 1).
5) I hate the term "happy marriage;" it's something counselors
made up to get more business and make us feel bad about
ourselves. I love my wife dearly; I am faithful and committed
for
the rest of my life. We laugh and we love. We also fight; we
withdraw; we feel neglected, persecuted, misunderstood, and
underappreciated. And then we do something for the other that
reminds us why we fell in love in the first place. It's not
always happy; but it's the best and it's forever.
6) I hate it when people act like the secret to happiness is to
just appreciate what you have and stop worrying, stressing, or
pursuing a better life; always live in the now. Well sometimes
the now sucks and what keeps the gun from your temple is the
hope the future will be better. What about being proactive, goal
setting, planning, ambition, carving out some security? That can
be pretty stressful.
7) While I'm at it, I hate it when people act like life
shouldn't be stressful and if it is, then you must be doing
something wrong. Life is choices, challenges, and changes, and
they are stressful. Period. On the other hand, sometimes being
stressed out is a good sign that your life really is out of
control and you need to do something about it.
8) I hate it that political correctness often demands that we
say nothing or tell little white lies. Being in a room for hours
with interesting people and dancing around meaningful issues so
as not to offend anyone. For instance, it's politically
incorrect
to suggest that courage is critical for effective living.
Psychologists would much rather spend huge amounts of our money
looking back at the old stuff that prevents us from healthy
change. Talking about courage sounds too much like blame and
responsibility.
9) I hate it when religious authorities or authors say that
spirituality can only be found in quiet contemplation, prayer,
silence, or worship. They say it involves a turning over, a
surrender, and looking inward at the spaces. My first triathlon;
my daughter's birth; Streisand singing You'll Never Walk Alone
in
honor of 9-11; and really good, and sweaty sex feels intensely
spiritual, connected, passionate, glorious. Silent prayer is
okay, too.
10) Finally, I hate it when the media acts as if beautiful,
sexy, wealthy, 19-year-old actors or rock stars are heroes, have
insight into the real world, or have much meaningful stuff to
teach the rest of us, like: about true love; how to keep a
marriage together; how to make ends meet; loyalty; sacrifice;
aging parents; or raising kids without a full time nanny,
housekeeper, chauffeur, etc., or how to deal with powerlessness,
flabby skin, and paying the rent next month. If you want a
lesson
in survival, ask a high school educated, single mom who pays all
the bills and raises a great kid. There's a hero.
Nuff said.
Good light and good night,
Dr. Tim Sams
My Sacred Journey
http://www.mysacredjourney.com
Copyright 2004. Dr. Tim Sams. All rights reserved.
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